Friday, October 17, 2008

Hugs all around

When I was in college I worked at the university's radio station. We were a pretty tight knit group, especially my freshman and sophomore years. Every time we came or went, we'd give each other hugs. I have forgotten a surprising amount of things from college (scary since it was not at all long ago) but that has always stuck out in my head. It was like that Dave Matthews Band video. Hugs for everyone. I miss it.

Maybe a bit more now because I'm feeling a bit under-hugged. My grand online dating experiment over the summer was a total failure...though I do have some awesome party stories now. I am a spoiled brat who wants to live in Soho but probably can't afford it. It's making me a bit grumpy. Life has felt mostly great but maybe a bit unfair lately. Being strong and tough and independent all the time gets tiring occasionally and right now I am friggin' exhausted. I would like to be in Hawaii on the beach. Not an option though.

So it's time for a call out to my sometimes on but mostly off-again man T, who is somehow always there for me. My faux romantic date. I always call him at the most in-opportune times and this week I somehow managed to hit him while he was on a man-cation with some buds. Have I ever mentioned what a lucky bastard T is? He's a former finance guy who retired at like 30 and along with 5 friends was an occasional house-flipper during the boom. Now I'm not even sure what he does. Travels a lot. Bartends on occasion. When we saw "The Dark Knight" together, I pointed at him during the scene when the Joker burns the hugemongous pile of cash and said, "That's you." His retort? "Too much makeup. And the hair is too long. That's got to be you." A guy after my own heart.

Man-cation ended yesterday. T called me from LaGuardia and offered to come over for faux romantic dinner. We went to JG Melon (they make the best burgers in NYC). He told me about his trip but I think he knew something was wrong because he gave the super abridged version. He turned the conversation over to me, and I just unloaded. Weeks of frustration I hadn't even realized I had came pouring out -- everything from changing jobs to running my credit cards back up to wanting to move to fear about the economy. I felt terrible immediately afterward; he'd just come back from a vacation and here I was dumping my shit all over him. But ever the sage, T listened patiently and offered a mix of support and advice. It all boiled down to "this too shall pass."

But the best part came this morning as he was leaving. He gave me a big bear hug -- the kind where you get enveloped in arms and pulled into chest so hard that you can barely breathe. All I could do was inhale the light mix of cologne and soap. It was the most comforting minute I've had in weeks. If this is what love is like, I could take it small doses.

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