Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Chicks dig videogames too

Why does the media hold on to stereotypes for so long?

The video game industry is finally starting to wake up to the fact that chicks dig videogames too. To the tune of billions of dollars per year. And when we play, we don't want to be limited to puzzle games. We want action. We want shoot'emups and button mashers and horror games and everything that the boys get. We want female characters without ridiculous proportions that are fun to play as. But the media still acts like it's 1995...talking about what games the guys want this holiday season, how menboys line up for games days before they're released...whatever.

I used to go to GameStop and get asked if I was looking for a present for my boyfriend. Cute. Now at least they ask what I'm looking for (if they talk to me at all). And for the record, hot chicks play videogames too. I for one enjoy playing games with my boyfriend. I consider it good bonding time.

I have two gal pals who share my casual video game love. Yesterday, H sent K and I a link to a wonderful article about what a video game system says about your man. All she said was "You have got to be kidding me -- link." Here's what I got out of the article - men who own PS3s and Xbox 360s are rich, men who have Wiis are poor. PS3 owners are loyal (uh-huh); Wii owners are social (sure) and Xbox 360 owners will consistently ignore you for Cortana (somewhat likely for the next couple of months).

Besides the sheer stupidity of the measurement (Material possessions are the biggest clues! Judge a man by his things! Not by who he is!) I found it sexist. I mean, if you're going to make blanket statements about one sex without any basis in fact, it's only fair to do it to the other.

So boys, I'm here to help you out. I've assembled a crack panel of ladies to help me make broad, inaccurate generalizations as to what your girlfriend's video game system says about her.

Let's meet our crack panel...
R, a snarky Internet Project Manager
P, a 30-something married mother of 2 in suburbia
W, a female professional gamer/calendar girl
J, editor-in-chief of 'Women Game On!'
S, a comedienne
If your woman owns a PS3...
P: She has way too much disposable cash. She doesn't value money and will raid your wallet when you're not looking.
W: She doesn't care if the controller vibrates as long as the game looks good. She's superficial and always needs a new toy, or boy toy. It's not important to her if you don't let her hang out with her old boyfriends.
J: She's probably loyal and ignored the reviews of her friends. Though you spend time with your old girlfriend, she pretends not to care that you won't let her meet the former flame. She is still hoping for good games to come out of this relationship. She'll stay true to you as long as you're in it for the long haul.
S: She'll be your Sugar Cougar.

If your woman owns a Wii...
S: She's probably 15. That means she's not legal yet, not that it matters these days.
R: She has a short attention span but is really good with her hands.
P: She is in touch with her inner child. Probably a bit too much. She wears pigtails and enjoys beating things.
J: It's hard for her to be serious about anything. She probably has communication and commitment issues. Run now.

If your woman owns an Xbox 360...
R: She can probably kick your ass in Halo 3 multiplayer. She will strip you of your manhood and embarrass you in front of your friends, and laugh while doing it.
W: She is forgiving when things don't work as expected, and patient when they break. She's willing to take a chance on something that may have red rings of death. She wants someone who can express when they need to be sent in for repairs.
P: She likes things that don't tie her down or don't need her to be within 30 feet all the time. She thinks variety is the spice of life. She talks constantly and is online a lot.
J: She sees everything in black or white terms. She can be drawn into tossing you for a bigger hard drive easily. She's a peripherals master.

If your woman owns an oldie (PS, N64, Dreamcast)...
S: She stays with things wayyyyy too long.
P: She doesn't know how to upgrade and is afraid to be alone.
R: She likes the underdog. She's counterculture. She doesn't mind if something has a lot of hype but turns out to be a little disappointing.

If your woman owns a classic (Sega Genesis, Super Nintendo)...
J: She appreciates things that are predictable. She wants her life to be linear. She likes her routine.
S: You don't have to be 3-dimensional to date her. Or she's broke.
W: An old boyfriend asked her to hold onto it. 15 years ago.

If your woman owns a retro machine (Coleco, Intellivision)...
S: She's old. She's a cougar!
P: Like a fine wine, she knows things get better with age. She likes the older men.
J: She doesn't adapt to new technology well. She doesn't own a cellphone and has probably never heard of a computer.
R: She likes her joysticks to look like joysticks - straight with one button.

If she plays games on a PC...
W: She's probably got 5 online boyfriends. Good luck with that one.
P: She's single and calls in sick to work a lot. She either answers the phone on the first ring or doesn't answer it for days. Her eyes are bad.
R: She buys a new computer every two years. She'll trade you in at the same time.

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