One more hunt story to share

Last week I was afraid to write any posts before I signed my lease for fear of jinxing myself. But before I forget I have another lovely hunt story to share.

By Tuesday I had spent a day or two moping about losing Astor Pl place and I'm still smarting about being rejected by Tribeca. But like everyone was telling me when it's meant to be it will be. My management company rep at my current place was actually quite excited when I called her on Dec. 1 to say I would be staying a bit longer. But I wasn't. I couldn't even love my place anymore. I can't sleep here and I can't relax. I find myself staying at work later than I have to because I don't want to come home. That's a sure sign I needed to get out.

On Tuesday night I was cruising Craigslist and there was just nothing in Soho, Nolita or Tribeca. It was either something I'd already seen or something outside my price range. I tried looking in the Village but I am ambivalent about living there. One thing I have learned on this search is that Soho is loud at night and the Village is even louder. Unless I have thermopane windows is that something I really want to deal with? Probably not.

Come Wednesday I spent some time at my old enemies Best Apartments. On my first apartment hunt I was working in Flatiron and called about an apartment in Chelsea. They dragged me all the way up to the UWS just to tell me that apartment was no longer available. Bastards. I still harbor a grudge about that one. And despite this I was about to call them about another place. I must be a sadist.

This time around I called about a 1 BR in the West Village. The ad had two photos that didn't really show anything but the ad said "dishwasher" so I was in. I feel really badly because I called the poor agent on her cell phone around 9:30 PM. I'd just gotten home from work. She was quite understanding about it and actually said "You're still pretty early. I get calls after 11 PM all the time." Once again a broker forced me to come into the office before I could actually see the place but at least this time I could meet her at her office in Flatiron...wait...Best Apartments has an office in Flatiron?? You mean during my last hunt I could have just gone to the office in Flatiron??!? That makes me even madder about my first experience with Best Apts! Argh!

I wanted to meet at 11 AM. The broker, C, had another appointment then so we compromised with 1 PM. But the next morning the agent text messaged me to ask to meet at 11 AM because her appointment had canceled. I got the text at 10:30 and ran my ass out of work to make it in time.

Good thing I rushed because I had to wait around about 20 minutes before C was ready to see me. As 5, 10 and 15 minutes passed my mood got increasingly foul. However there is no sense in starting off a meeting with rudeness so I calmed down and smiled when C finally greeted me. She had me sit down with her boss, K, a dude on a mission to make me feel bad.

K - "So long have you been looking?"
Me - "About 2 months."
K - "Wow, really. And how many places have you seen?"
Me - "Probably about 50." I should never have said this, plus I was wrong. I've only seen about 20 places. It just feels like 50.
K (rubs face with hands) - "Ooookay. And what was wrong with them?"
Me - explains how my priorities changed during the hunt from MUST live in Soho to wanting a dishwasher, closets, prewar, etc. He asked me a few more basic questions about neighborhoods and the like.

K then proceeded to give me what I like to call the "Broker pretending to be your parent but actually just wants your money" lecture. You see Roxy, he told me, you're asking for too much in one apartment! You want space, plus a dishwasher, plus closets, plus below 14th St and that just may not exist in your price range! At some point you're gonna have to compromise on something! Probably multiple things. You need a gut check. You need to re-examine your priorities. You're never going to be totally happy so you may as well just settle for something close.

He then finished up with this gem (not paraphrased, this is actually what he said): "It's clients like you that make brokers bald."

I can't even imagine what the look on my face was but let me tell you that I was seething. I didn't come in for a lecture, I wanted to say. And if you were forthright in your ads I could have probably saved myself 50 percent of the misery I've had for the last 2 months seeing apartments that were not at all as advertised! And you are bald! Don't set me up to say something extraordinarily rude like that!! But if there is one thing that being a manager has taught me it's that retaliation gets you nowhere. So instead I counted to 4, refocused and as politely as I could asked:

"Is the apartment I called about still available?"

K clicked his keyboard a bit and said yes. Yes it is. And as he clicked some more he said it actually sounded like it fit most of my criteria. (I'm well aware, I internally monologued.) We had wasted 45 minutes and I had to be back at work soon so C only had time to show me this one place. K asked me if I minded small places. It's a pretty good size he said but not huge. I have no idea how to respond to things like this. Small meaning...what? 200 sq. feet? 400 sq. feet? It was a 1 BR so how small could it be? C took me.

The apartment was on West 13th between 6th and 7th. We took the V one stop (it was cold) and then walked there. We got in to the lobby where C was supposed to call the Super. Except the intercom system was a phone, there was no directory and C had no idea what the Super's number was. My patience was wearing thin. She called K. She called someone else in her office. No one was very helpful. My God I hate this shit about brokers. Can't they be prepared? Such a waste of time. I was ready to just leave. Finally after about 10 minutes a resident walked out and we got in. It was a large building with an 'elevator.' Except it was one of those really old creaky 1-person elevators that I would never take. The apartment was on the 6th floor. C put her key in the door, and started to turn the lock...it wouldn't turn. Here we go, I thought to myself. She spent 5 minutes trying to turn the lock over and it just wouldn't. I tried too. Finally she got it turned 3/4 of the way...and it got stuck. The comedy of errors continues! She calls K, like he's going to help from the office?

Anyway about 5 minutes later she got it unstuck and we got in. I was hoping the place would be worth it but it sure wasn't. While the location was awesome (near the Magnolia Bakery among other things) the apartment was tiny. I had my measuring tape. The kitchen was a wall in the living room first of all so right there I lose space over my current place. The two rooms were tiny boxes. Together they added up to 250 sq. feet. So not only would I lose my separate kitchen, I would lose another 20 sq. feet of living space on top of it. Not worth it. There was also only one, tiny, single-door closet and the bathroom had no tub. I summarily rejected it. All that work for nothing.

As we headed down the stairs I was quite dejected. C started to talk and I thought she would have comforting things to say. But instead she berated me! That was a great place, she said. Your standards are too high. If you keep looking out for that perfect place you're never going to be satisfied by anything she said. You will never move.

This went on for a couple of minutes. I just let her unload. My God where has my fight gone? I should have berated her right back. Instead I just shrugged and replied, "Maybe I won't ever move, you could be right. But I'm not settling for crap." And then we said our goodbyes.

I figured that was the end of ironically-named Best Apartments, take 2, but that afternoon I got a call from C. "Hi, Roxy, I found an apartment in Tribeca that might work for you! Alcove studio, high floor, lots of light, dishwasher...would you be interested?" Uh, OK. Except the rent was $2500, so she had to call the management company to see if they would let me in. Which they would not. And that was the end of ironically-named Best Apartments, take 2. Don't be like me. Don't use them. They are horrible.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered: I have a new apartment

See that appliance on the left side of the photo above? That's a DISHWASHER. Love them. Know what's even better? It's the dishwasher in my new apartment! Yes, it's finally true: after 2 months of searching and two failed attempts I have successfully signed a lease for an apartment. I feel 500 lbs lighter (see ya later, gorilla).

I know it's hard to believe but I even have nice things to say about 2 brokers! First of all, Broker S from Manhattan Connection emailed me on Wednesday to say he was back in town and yes he would check with Tribeca place about using my sister as a co-signer to see if that would get me in. It didn't work out but he even called me back to let me know! What a nice guy and I mean that. He didn't admonish me for anything during our viewings together and really advocated for me to the management company. That is exactly what a broker is supposed to do! S works at Manhattan Connection's office on 78th & Madison.

I have noticed in general that brokers have been a bit nicer to me this time around. I'm not sure if it's because of the time of year, the depressed market, my higher budget or a combination of the three. But in the end it was not S who found me my apartment. It was a different broker, L, from Platinum Properties.

After the West Village place didn't pan out and I wasn't even allowed to be considered for the Greenwich St place in Tribeca I knew I had to expand my neighborhood options. I know I didn't want to go north of Union Square (and really, not north of West 4th St) I realized my other option was the Financial District. I was pretty down on the neighborhood when I first moved here but recently I've visited it and I am warming up to it. Plus there are so many deals to be had with many financial industry workers moving out.

While expanding my neighborhood parameters I also gut checked myself about what I wanted in an aparment. I realized that besides the ever-present need for a freakin' DISHWASHER I would love to live in a full-service building. That wasn't possible during my first hunt but now I can afford it. So I looked for full-service skyscrapers in FiDi with no fee. And I found plenty including many listed by Platinum Properties. Kind of an over-the-top name for a brokerage in my opinion but I digress. I found three listings that interested me: a 1 BR in Tribeca off Leonard St, an alcove studio with floor to ceiling windows and a terrace in FiDi and a building with a pool in FiDi (c'mon, a pool!).

The next morning the broker, L, called me to discuss what I was looking for. I told her: a dishwasher and closets in a luxury building. Some other likes: high floor, nice views, open kitchen, big windows, light. She and I scheduled a long appointment to do several viewings that afternoon. She promised to gather up a few buildings for me to look at -- all no fee.

Their office is at 30 Wall St and I showed up a bit early for my 4 PM appointment. I'm not gonna lie -- as soon as I got off the subway I knew where everything to the west was, but the East was a big mystery to me. Broker L was very nice. She had an index card with 5 different buildings for me to look at. She told me all about each before we left and I immediately cut two (the one off Leonard St? That was Tribeca place that rejected me!).

The first building was 10 Hanover Square. There was a Starbucks in the lobby which I loved. All of these buildings have their own leasing offices within. So I had not only a broker but also a tour guide! The leasing agent gave me a packet (ooh, a packet!) about the building as well as a floor plan of the apartments I would be seeing. There were a few apartments available within my price range. Each apartment style is called a "line." I saw a T-line and and a U-line.

The floor plan above is a T-line plan.
The U-line plan looked just like it
but was flipped horizontally.

So ready for a new apartment term? "Studio home office." This is basically a 1 BR but legally a bedroom has to have a window. When you see studio-home office in ads you have two separate living areas. Almost all of the apartments I saw with L were studio home offices.

The apartments at 10 Hanover were lovely -- hardwood throughout, lovely granite breakfast bars, new appliances, nice closets and marble bathrooms. And one of the apartments was on the 21st floor and had an awesome view of 40 Wall St. But they were tiny for the price! $2325 for the lower floor and $2400 for the 21st floor. Plus I hated how you walked into the home office -- which I would have used as the bedroom. Granted people can see my "bedroom" now in my tiny space but if I'm upgrading I want to be able to keep it separate. I suppose you could make it the living room but still...awkward to say the least. And the neither living space was very big. I would only be gaining about 120 sq feet and some of that wasn't really usable. I do have to say that the building's amenities were great. I quickly came to learn that all of these buildings have huge lounges, roof decks and game rooms with free wifi. There was also storage in the building and the most amazing gym I have ever seen. It had a 3-story rock wall! Turns out the building used to the be the Goldman Sachs headquarters. Something about that made me feel dirty.

I was quite impressed with the building but not the apartment so we continued on. Next stop was the Crest. Located at 63 & 67 Wall St, two buildings were combined to make one. The apartments I looked at were both in 63 Wall St. Again I saw the lounge and the gym. The lobby of 67 Wall also had an amazing atrium.

Up to the apartments. We saw on the 3rd floor and one on the 12th floor. I was told there was an application in on the 3rd floor apartment so honestly I didn't pay too much attention to it. It was nice -- it had 3 HUGE closets) but I was excited to see the view from the 12th floor. That apartment had a wonky layout but I loved it! It was built on a diagonal so everything was built into nooks. And the view: wow. Another great view of 40 Wall St. The 3rd floor unit was $2495 and the 12th floor unit was $2595 but L was sure we could negotiate. Still, I was eager to see what else was out there.

The next building was 45 Wall St., and after the first two places neither apartment really impressed me. I saw a large studio that had awesome closets (and at $2295 cheap!) but was very dark and an alcove studio that had a nice terrace but was tiny (and expensive at $2550). We made one last stop at 100 Maiden Lane. The apartment had plenty of windows but no great view to enjoy so I passed.

I had seen almost 10 apartments by the end of the appointment and I admit my head was spinning! I was already having trouble remembering one apartment from another. Plenty to think about. L and I went back to her office and she suggested I sleep on it. It was late enough by then that none of the apartments was likely to be taken out from under me.

I spent all night deliberating between the 21st floor apartment at 10 Hanover Sq and the 12th floor apartment at the Crest. I liked the apartment at the Crest better but it was more expensive and the building amenities at 10 Hanover were better. 10 Hanover was further from the subways though. And the Crest had a better layout. Flip flop flip flop.

Finally the next morning I had decided -- the 12th floor apartment at 63 Wall St. L and I chatted for while. I wanted to go back to the Crest and see the places again to take photos and measure. She agreed to take me back. On the way we chatted about the rent. L thought she could get the management company down to $2550. Blargh. That was still more than I wanted to pay by $50. That right there would save me $600 a year. Really I wanted to pay $2400, which would save me $1200. L suggested that we take another look at the 3rd floor apartment, which she felt she could get down to $2450. She mentioned that it had showed up in her daily listings so there was a good chance the application didn't go through.

On second viewing I fell in love with the 3rd floor apartment. Now that I had the other apartments to compare it to it really was something. Tall, 10 foot windows with stained glass. A nice kitchen open to the living room. Three huge closets. A nice layout. I wanted it!

We found out the apartment was indeed open so I put in an application. I offered $2400 on a 16-month lease with 1 month free. And on Friday morning I found out my offer was accepted and it was mine!! I signed my lease on Friday evening and I can move in on the 15th. Hooray! My long, miserable journey is finally almost over. I will post some more thoughts later this week but I need some sleep first. And to pack.

Goodbye Tribeca, hello Village?

I gave up on the Tribeca apartment yesterday. I had finally convinced the leasing agent that I was qualified and he passed along my application to the central lease processing office. A day and a bit later, they told me I hadn't satisfied their requirements. They offered me two non-sensical options and finally I said ENOUGH! Yeesh. Seriously. So, moral of the story is don't work with Manhattan Skyline Apartments! They are rough mofos. Luckily I didn't have any trouble re-depositing my cashier's check.

I was disappointed most of yesterday but woke up this morning ready to look around again. With winter coming on there are fewer new listings each day. Really the market won't pick up again until after the 1st of the month. I really want to get the heck out of my apartment. I am motivated.

I had talked to broker S about continuing to work with him. He said that would be fine but I haven't heard from him since. I found an apartment listed by his firm but called the broker listed on the ad, I. I and I (heh) met up at the Starbucks at Astor Place to see a Greenwich Village 1 BR.

There were 3 apartments available in the building. Of course I'm now measuring against the Tribeca place...the Village place also has a doorman, also has an elevator and also has laundry (on each floor instead of in a room). It does not have a gym and I'm not sure about the roof deal. The first apartment was pretty cute. Two large closets when you first walk in. A tiny kitchen but I don't mind especially since it had a dishwasher! But all of the apartments are lofts. Which literally means you climb a ladder to the sleeping area. The ceiling was too low in the first and second apartments' lofts.

The third apartment was juuuuusssssttt right. It was by far the largest and its kitchen had a pass-through. The loft's ceiling was high enough to stand up in. Since the building is a converted warehouse the walls are really thick. Oddly enough, my broker used to live in the building so he knew tons about it. Of course, it was also $150 more expensive, putting it at $2500. Not only is that the tippy top of my budget, it's also $100 more than the Tribeca place. But it was 100 sq. feet bigger than Tribeca and...well...I need a place to live. The broker laughed that I hardly even peeped the bathroom. (He's right, I hardly did. But it has a tub and was pretty clean so I don't care at this point.) So I applied for it.

The best part? The broker filled out my application for me! And the only documentation I needed to apply was: two paystubs and a letter of employment. That is 80% less paperwork than Tribeca. I'm liking this place already. I find out tomorrow. My fingers are crossed and I hope yours are too!

Woo-hoo! I have my next apartment

The lease isn't signed yet so I'm still not considering a done deal...but it's pretty much a done deal. S called me today to let me know that the apartment in Tribeca is mine! Let's relive the weekend together, shall we?

On Saturday morning I woke up early and filled out my application. I had to assemble lots of paperwork -- an employment verification letter with annual salary that I'd gotten on Friday; my last two bank statements; my last two paystubs; the first two pages of my last two years' tax returns and a recommendation letter from my landlord. I'd chosen to contact my landlord from CT because I haven't told my management company rep or non-Super that I'm moving out yet. We'll come back to that caveat.

I made copies of everything plus my driver's license and then met up with S at his office. There had been some discussion about maybe offering less than $2400/mo for the apartment. But S recommended that I go in at the full rent price because there were going to be competing offers if I didn't. Reluctantly, I agreed. I had done some more research and found out some additional details about my apartment. Turns out my apartment was the smallest one on the floor. I didn't mind because it was still considerably bigger than my current apartment and the size probably accounted for the lower price. I also found out that my closets are slightly smaller but again it was a quibble. If I lost out on this apartment the next cheapest one was now sitting at $3000/mo -- way beyond my range -- and there are only 2 apartments left in the building.

Floor plan of an apartment
similar to mine

S and I headed down to the building. I wanted to take some photos of the apartment and he was showing another 1 BR to a couple of potential tenants. When we got to the building the leasing office was locked. Luckily the Super was nice enough to let us in to my future apartment. It was still gorgeous! I snapped a ton of pics that later on I realized were pretty dumb: a closeup of the dishwasher! A closeup of the thermostat! (Programmable!) A closeup of the closets! It was obvious that I was delirious.

Then I had a rare opportunity. S had to take some photos of the penthouse and he let me tag along. It was pretty awesome. The apartment had 3 BRs, 3.5 baths, a fireplace and a private rooftop terrace. The finishes weren't as high-end as I was expecting but it was a very nice penthouse. I was in awe. Someday, I kept telling myself.

The leasing office was still locked when we were done so S told me he would try again on Monday. But of course on Sunday J called me and apologized for his partner not showing the day before. He asked if I could drop off the application...except that S had it and it was his day off. I tried to stay calm. I even did my dishes! But I decided to go down to the building and just do everything again so I knew it was done. Of course S called me as I was leaving the building but I didn't mind. I apologized for bugging him on his day off. J told me I could expect an answer on Thursday of this week.

So you can imagine my surprise when I got the call today! I'd tried applying by myself but they are requiring a guarantor for me because I don't quite make enough. My sister has graciously agreed to co-sign with me again...once she gets back from Italy later this week. In fact I got the call so quickly from the building that I don't have all finances in order quite yet. I had to transfer some cash from my Morgan Stanely money market account and they are being slow as molasses. My rep was great but the company itself has all this bureaucratic shit to get through.

Hopefully by this time next week I will have signed my lease and will just be counting the days until I move. My last remaining hurdle is telling my current place that I'm moving out. My lease expired in August and I have not signed a new one. So I have no ties here. But I hope they don't give me a hard time; especially after the crap I've been dealing with from the neighbors. I'm talking to my management company rep tomorrow. I'm hoping it will go smoothly.

I think I found my next apartment

I'm almost scared to talk about because it's far from a done deal but I think I've found my next apartment.

I decided not to apply for the apartment on Houston. The more I thought about having only half a closet and a closet bathroom the less I liked it. My cold broke on Thursday but I've still been running a terrible fever. So when I saw an ad for a 1 BR on the Soho/Tribeca border for $2200 in a luxury doorman building I thought I was hallucinating.

I clicked into the ad. 1 BR/$2200 it said, with three closets, a dishwasher and breakfast bar in a rent-stabilized high rise with a gym, laundry and roof deck near the Canal St subway stations. Wha? It sounded like a scam. It was a no-fee listing by a brokerage I've never heard of -- Manhattan Connections.

It was late Thursday when I emailed so I followed up with a call on Friday morning. I had to leave a message but shortly after S (the broker) emailed me to set up a viewing at 5 PM that day. After getting some more details I learned the apartment was really deeper into Tribeca and not so close to Soho. Which made it all the more curious that the rent was so low. Also, the $2200 apartment was gone (sigh) but there was a $2400 1 BR on a higher floor. And I would love to live on a high floor!

We met at Broadway and Leonard. The building was on Worth St. It was a 16-floor high rise built in 2000. The lobby was made to look like a Colorado ski lodge which I of course got a huge kick out of. My no-fee broker S and I met with the leasing agent J. He elaborated more on why the rent was so low. They'd lost a whole bunch of tenants because of the market crash so the management company was offering a limited number of apartments at low rents so they could keep the building fill. Their loss was my gain. They could reset the rents once a day which was why my 1 BR was $200 higher than the other one. This seemed completely unfair to me but whatever. I saw their appointment book and it was full. J showed us the laundry room (huge) and the gym (free!) and the 2nd floor outdoor space. Then we went up to the 13th floor.

As soon as we walked in I was sold. The kitchen was open to the apartment on the right, just next to a coat closet. (A coat closet! I'd forgotten what those look like!) I could not believe how many cabinets there were. The appliances were white which is fine with me as I've grown to hate how hard stainless steel is to keep clean. And there was a dishwasher! It also had a breakfast bar that could easily double as a dining room table. The living room was large with a window three panes large. Across from the kitchen was a linen closet and a nice light bathroom. The bedroom was not huge but you could easily fit a queen-sized bed and a dresser. Did I mention that the apartment had 3 closets???

I knew this had to be my next apartment. "I'll take it!" I said excitedly. J and S exchanged knowing glances and we went back down to the leasing office on the 2nd floor. I got an application and "reserved my spot as 1st in line" and rent amount with a $75 good faith deposit/credit check fee. The apartment was mine! (Provided my application went through OK.) I agreed to have all my paperwork ready today. This morning I woke up early, filled out the application and got everything -- paystubs, tax returns, letter verifying employment, bank statements, the works. S and I took one more tour of the apartment today and now we're just waiting until the leasing office calls us back to submit the application. S has been awesome by the way. Nicest broker ever. Not having to pay him a fee is certainly helping my spirits.

There is so much more to tell but I don't want to jinx myself. I can say that the 1 BRs reset to $2850 today so I feel very lucky that I got in when I did. I have my fingers crossed that everything goes through and I get the apartment! Once I know I will have updates. Until then, I admit I'm a little bit queasy. Please please please let me get this place!

To apply, or to not apply

I am fighting a miserable cold that has left me sounding like Patty and Selma, but I'll be damned if it's going to keep me from apartment hunting. I should just open every phone call by saying 'hiya hun' followed quickly by that throaty grumble.

Last night I found an awesome ad for a no-fee 1 BR on Thompson St for $2300. It looked really promising -- two windows in each room, a nice but not too large kitchen (couldn't tell if there was a dishwasher), very bright and on a good block.

The ad was through Century 21 and the ad said contact the broker anytime so I did. I emailed her around 9:30 PM and she got back to me right away which I thought was cool. What was not cool at all was when she asked me to meet her at her office. Sigh. Please, I said, I work in Soho, could you please not make me come up to midtown only to go right back down? Company policy, she replied. So I confirmed with her in fucking midtown only because the apartment looked really promising. Through some creative research I found another broker listing the same apartment so I contacted him too. I figured if he agreed to meet me at the apartment I would just cancel on Century 21 and their bureaucracy.

This morning I hadn't heard back from Broker B so I grudgingly went to midtown to meet up with Broker A. I must have looked a mess. I had just left my doctor and I was running a bit of a fever. Once at the office they made me fill out your typical broker form. I didn't sign the back -- the part with the fee acceptance disclaimer. Turns out I had emailed with one of the pages and the broker was some dude. I was antsy. The apartment was a good deal and I didn't want to lose out. He wanted to look up other places for me...I said look I don't mean to be rude but I only care about this one apartment so could we just go? He started telling me about how his company gets 180 new listings each day...I cut him off and said so does everyone else, you're all looking at the same database and I'm not impressed. I'm not trying to deny you your living, I told him, but I won't pay a fee and I just want to see the apartment on Thompson already!

Oh, he said, that apartment is no longer in the database, he said. I slumped in my chair. Great. I was sweaty, feverish and had just wasted 45 minutes. Thanks Century 21!

I took a cab home and pouted. On Monday night I'd found a similar deal on Sullivan (dangerously close to work!) but when I showed up for the viewing the tenant told me she'd gotten word that her place had been rented. Dammit! And now dammit again! I worked for awhile when Broker B got back to me. Yes, the apartment was still available he said, and he would meet me there at 1. Really? Yes, really.

His company had swung an exclusive listing on the place. A-ha. So that was why it disappeared from the database. It was pretty cute. The entryway was a long hall with the bedroom off of it. It was a tiny bedroom, about 10x10. Big enough for a bed and a dresser and not much else. The kitchen was in the center of the apartment (no dishwasher) with the living room at the other end. The living room and bedroom were about the same size. The bathroom was nice and the apartment had plenty of light. But it wasn't quite the wow I was hoping for. The broker mentioned that he had another no-fee apartment around the corner on Houston.

The Houston apartment was much better. It was also a 1 BR. You entered into the kitchen, which was eat-in! With a dishwasher! The living room was off to the right. It was larger than the last place with cool ceiling molding. The bedroom completed the railroad style apartment. It was tiny like the last one and had noticeable open spaces between the floor and the baseboard. That made me kind of wary. But otherwise I loved it. So I started detail searching. The bedroom floor was pitched a little bit. That was workable -- honestly many of the apartments in Soho seem to have this issue. But where was the bathroom? Turns out it was in this closet-sized room in the middle of the apartment. It had a shower stall which kinda sucked. But otherwise it seemed OK. My nose was not working so I couldn't sniff for mold. The other issue was the closet -- there was a pantry style closet in the kitchen but only one other closet in the apartment. And it was tiny.

I told the broker I would apply and I left there planning to. I was going to ask for lower rent but I mostly loved the place. With my pub table in the kitchen and a separate bedroom it would feel like so much more space. But I knew I needed a reality check. I called T.

"Well," T said. "List the pros and cons." OK. Pros: separate bedroom. Eat-in kitchen. DISHWASHER!! Southern Exposure. Not first floor. Only one shared wall. Pre-war building. Close to work. High ceilings. Cons: Tiny closet. Tiny bathroom. Older appliances, etc. than my current apartment. On busy street. Windows had condensation on them (heat escaping? not very promising).

"Sounds like more pros than cons," T said. "But...tiny closet? Like how tiny we talking here?" I told him -- about half the size of my current apartment. He pointed out that I was already hurting for storage in my current place. And now I would half my storage? Yeah. He was right. That was almost a deal-breaker. And he didn't sound thrilled about the tiny bathroom. I think that is partly because he has literally been burned by my current bathroom. When guys, uh, use my bathroom they have to stand against a steam pipe to get enough distance. In the winter that can be pretty tricky.

So now I am less sure. I think I will keep searching and make up my mind tomorrow. Hopefully no one steals this one out form under me before then.

The good ol' bait and switch

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...still shame on you! Every time I think to myself "Oh, this broker sounds kinda nice, maybe she/he won't try to fuck me" someone should come out of the woodwork and smack me upside the head. Because 100% of the time a broker will give you a bum deal.

One thing I've noticed going through the by-owner apartment rental section on Craigslist is that there's a surprising number of broker listings in there. AKA miscategorized. And no matter how often I flag them (and I'm sure I'm not the only one flagging them) they never seem to get removed. The end result being that probably about 1/3 of the listings I contact are actually broker's fee listings cleverly disguised as by owner listings.

So earlier today when I saw two no-fee listings in the by-owner section I should have known better than to respond. I must be masochistic though because respond I did. One was a $2195/1 BR and one was a $2295/1 BR. Both listed by the same broker. I spoke with him soon after and got the details.

I should have known the bait and switch was coming when his first questions to me were "How do you feel about a basement apartment? How about a 6th floor walkup?" Ugh. I rejected the basement but said I was willing to consider the 6th floor. No one above me sounds great right about now (right, crazy loud upstairs neighbor?). Then I got the usual rundown -- what are you looking for (1 BR preferably), how much (up to $2500 but the closer to $2000 the better), and when are you looking to move in (oh ya know, whenever). Then he asked about broker's fees and I know I clearly said "I am not willing to pay a broker's fee. Of any kind."

Suddenly the apartments that I called about were no longer options. Instead the broker wanted to show me 2 1 BRs he had. One on Sullivan in between Spring and Broome, one on Mott between Prince and Houston. Both areas I am down with so I said OK. I made two mistakes: I didn't ask how much either was and I didn't ask how much security was expected on either. This was very dumb on my part. Because the broker may as well have said "Pay attention to my hands. Notice there is nothing up my sleeve. Yet in the next hour we shall go from no fee to a 15% of the annual fee! Moohoohahahahaha...."

The pledge: I met him at the Sullivan apartment. He gave me the actual address (and bragged about it, as though he had to proove that he was human and not broker scum). It was really, really close to work. As in I could see my work's windows from the front of the apartment building. It didn't really bother me too much. I was more worried about the location -- the building was on the end of Sullivan right against the Avenue of the Americas. Street noise would be an issue. One of the tenants came out to put out some garbage so I asked him about the building. He had nothing but good things to say which was nice.

The broker came up shortly after and seemed nice enough. Not smarmy. He took me inside to a 2nd floor 1 BR. It was cute. It was a gut renovation and had a washer/dryer in the kitchen. A year ago I would have shit my pants at the washer/dryer. But now I'm kinda like 'damn that is taking up valuable real estate in this apartment.' The kitchen did have a dishwasher which made me drool. The layout wasn't too bad. You walked in to the living room with the kitchen and the bathroom off to the right. The bathroom was a nice size and had a full tub and a cool sink. To the left was the bedroom. The bedroom was OK. My bed and maybe a small dresser would have fit. But the closet space was disappointing. Smaller than what I have now and only one closet in the apartment. I wasn't sold.

I asked the rent and found it was $2350/mo (ahem, notice how this is already $50/mo more than the most expensive apartment I had called about?). I balked and the broker said he wanted to help me out by negotiating a rate I was happy with, like $2200/mo. Well, that's a bit better. Then he mentioned broker's fee something-something and I must have made such a look of sheer horror that he suggested we move on to the next place.

The turn: On the way from Sullivan to Mott the broker started talking about how long he's had a relationship with the owners and blah blah he tries to sign long term tenants yadda yadda so he doesn't earn very much money in fees sob sob so he works very hard to earn his fee. I wanted to say "by doing what, opening a fucking door or two?" but instead I replied, "Well, if there's one thing I can say it's that I have been looking for a couple of months now and I've noticed that owners and brokers alike have already become more flexible in their demands because of the market downturn." I was pretty proud of myself. He retorted that his apartments never stay on the market very long so he wouldn't have to do that, but I just shot him a skeptical look and dropped it. He spent the rest of the time talking about how quickly the apartments would rent and how if I wasn't ready to move rightthissecond I should just not move at all. Whatever, dude. Is that broker code for don't waste my time? Because if it is, go fuck yourself. If I spend 1 hour with you, that means you cost $66/minute if I pay your frickin fee. That's more than any phone wench I know of.

The prestige: The apartment on Mott was actually on the corner of Houston which again meant road noise. While the Sullivan building was probably 15 units or less, this was an elevator/walkup hybrid with probably closer to 30. The apartment was on the 5th floor and we took this weird little elevator up. It was kind of cool, kind of claustrophobic in there. As the broker opened the door to the apartment he told me they were going to list this apartment for $2395/mo but again he was willing to negotiate...the rent but not his 15% of the annual rent fee. Whoa, what?? How did we get to that amount of fee from no broker's fee. He said he had to go check out another apartment so he left me alone to walk around.

I immediately texted T for advice. No reply. I walked around the apartment. Like Sullivan St it was gut renovated and had a washer/dryer in the kitchen. The layout was slightly better with two closets but they were single door and would still be less closet space then I have now. The bathroom was nice with the same sink as Sullivan St. There were no windows in the living area which was weird. The bedroom had two windows and the top portion of the wall was actually a window to let light filter into the living area. Still, no windows in the living area was kind of weird. It was a reminder that I had neighbors on both sides plus above and below.

I did some quick calculations in my head. Let's say this was a by-owner apartment going for $2200/mo. If the owner required a 2-month security that would mean $4400 inaccessible to me for the entire time I lived there but theoretically coming back to me when I moved out. If the apartment required a 1-month security deposit plus a 15% broker's fee for a 1-year lease that would add up to $6160, $3960 of which would go to the broker. No fucking way. Negotiation ahoy!

I started talking money with the broker. We talked about getting the rent down from $2395/mo and his fee. I told him that I wasn't really comfortable paying more than one month as a fee as an opening point. The grimace on his face was palpable and I couldn't help but smirk. Since he had blindsided me with the broker's fee I blindsided with him with some news of my own: my deposit money wouldn't be available to me until November 15. At that point he totally cut off the deal. Which was actually OK with me. Neither apartment was The One. They were decent but far from perfect and while $2200/mo would have been OK, I honestly felt they were overpriced.

He uncerimoniously dismissed me from the apartment at that point (no handshake or anything, jerk). I walked down the stairs, not wanting to get stuck in the elevator. I saw a reply text from T -- "Get the fuck out of there now. Bad deal." Amen. I will be interested to see if these apartments do in fact rent right away or if they sit on the market for a bit. Seems like everything else is sitting tight, just waiting for a renter.

Um, where is the shower?

I've seen a few more apartments this week. All were pretty interesting in their own way.

I had to go through a broker to see the first one, though it was no-fee. This one was a guy from Halstead. They're pretty reputable as far as real estate firms go in the city. My experience was neutral.

The first place I saw was on Mott. The building had a cute entrance though the first door had no lock on it. It just swung open like any shop door would. Not exactly secure. The apartment was on the 4th floor of the walk-up. I was happy to notice that there was only 1 neighbor on the floor and we would not have any common walls. The broker opened the apartment, which was pretty damn cute. The $2400/mo Jr 1 BR's door opened straight into the kitchen, which separated the living area from the bedroom. It even had a dishwasher! I was bothered by the medium-stained cabinets mixed with black appliances but that's a quibble. We checked out the bathroom, which was decent. It had subway tiles and had been recently renovated, though I was disappointed that there was just a pedestal sink with no storage vanity. Luckily there was enough room to put in a small shelving unit.

Back in the apartment, I took a look at the living area and immediately burst out laughing. It was tiny. It was a long room so I could potentially have an office area and a living area. But what about my bed? "Where's the rest of it?" I asked the broker, ready to leave. He waved me back towards him. A door I thought was the closet was actually a decent-sized bedroom. Because there was no window it couldn't officially be called a bedroom. It easily doubled the size of the apartment (that wasn't saying much though, it was about 250 sq. feet total). Suddenly I was willing to consider it again. The closet was outside the bedroom which was odd. But it was California-closetized which was nice. I took a closer look at the living area and its two large windows. And that's when I saw the view: a cemetary. "Well, at least it will be quiet!" the broker joked. Ha...ha...no. Ignoring the creepy view, the apartment was overpriced in my opinion. $2100/mo would have been more appropriate. So I passed.

Next was a studio at Elizabeth and Houston. This one was in an elevator building. Nice foyer. The apartment was on the 5th floor. It was about 375 sq. feet and had three large windows. The kitchen was kind of older and I noticed the floor was pitched a bit near the walls. But it had two huge closets and a large bathroom with lots of storage. It was pretty appealing at $2300/mo, especially when I saw the fitness center and laundry room in the basement. So I asked about incentives -- a free month to be exact. But the only incentive was no fee. Lame. Then I crossed paths with another girl who had just seen the place. She was turning in an application. I took one as well but wasn't sold on the place.

The broker wanted to show me one more apartment on Mulberry. He dropped me off at a coffee shop to fill out an application for the $2300/mo studio. But I didn't want to fill out the application. The rent was too high. So I grabbed a coffee and told him as much when he returned. He tried to pressure me into filling out the application and I got mad. I told him I wanted to look around more and he finally backed down. The super for the Mulberry apartment wasn't around so we parted ways.

Today I saw an apartment owned by the same company as the best apartment I've seen so far on Sullivan St. In fact the listing said the $1825/mo studio was on the same block and I got really excited. I was also skeptical of what $1825 would yield in Soho, since almost nothing I've seen has been below $2000/mo.

Turns out not much. First of all, the apartment wasn't on Sullivan; it was on Thompson. Secondly it was $1900/mo, not $1825. Third, it was ridiculously tiny. I couldn't even measure it accurately because it was laid out so wonky. It was on the 3rd floor of a walkup with neighbors on either side. I knew it would be tiny but I wasn't prepared for what I saw. The entry was a long hallway that opened into one itty bitty room. On one side of the room was a kitchen with a mini-stove and mini-fridge and two cabinets. The other side was the living/bedroom area, if you could even call it that. Those two areas combined measured about 150 sq. feet. Teeny tiny. I opened what I thought was a closet (again) to find a toilet and sink.

There was a guy viewing the place as the same time as me, and he said, "Um, where's the shower?" My eyes were wide. Where was the shower?? It was in the kitchen of course! I know that isn't unusual in Europe, but, well, this isn't Europe. This is the 2nd apartment I've seen like this. All I could do was laugh. Then the woman showing the apartment shushed me! "Don't influence him, maybe he likes it," she said. He just winked at me. I think like is far too generous a word.

The highs and lows of apartment hunting in NYC

I have been checking out apartments for a couple of weeks now, and until today nothing in Soho or Nolita had impressed me. That's both good and bad -- good because I haven't saved up all the necessary pennies yet and bad because, well, who wants to see a bunch of lousy apartments?

My not-broker from Mark David dumped me on Tuesday. She called me over the weekend about two apartments (one of which was in Chinatown and one of which was in Financial District. For those scoring at home, NEITHER of those are in the neighborhoods I want to live in). I told her not to make me her first priority since I don't want to pay a broker's fee. On Monday she called me about two more apartments. One was again out of the question but she hit me with one that was in Soho so I asked to set up a viewing after work. I wrote her around 11 AM, and at 2 she replied to say she was booked for the day. I guess she took my advice about prioritizing a little too seriously. Then on Tuesday I get this nice cryptic email from her...

Building owners offer to pay our fee when they are having trouble getting their apartments rented (because they stink). When you can’t find a no-fee apartment that you love, let me know and we’ll find you one that you do - and we can negotiate a fee that you feel comfortable with.

Unless that fee is $0, there is no negotiation to hold. I can understand her not wanting to spend time on a renter who isn't willing to pay a fee. But it was unnecessary to instill doubt. Because of course I started thinking, damn what if she's right? What if all the by-owner apartments are shit holes that they can't rent?

The Gods of renting must have taken pity on me because today I saw a beautiful apartment. It was in the by-owner listings of Craiglist, a $2495/1BR in Soho on Sullivan St in between Prince and Houston.

1 Bedroom, GORGEOUS BRAND NEW RENOVATION, Brick Walls, Hard Wood floors, High ceilings, Huge bedroom, LOTS OF LIGHT, skylight and good closets. Located in heart of SOHO by BEAUTIFUL PRINCE STREET near all shopping, restaurants and transportation/trains: B,C,D,F,V,1,9. OPEN HOUSE Thursday, October 16th, 12-1p.m. by appointment: xxx-xxx-xxxx. no brokers please.

I called the number and scheduled a viewing. The ad was a bit off -- viewings between 11 AM and noon, not noon to 1. But whatever. I met a management company rep at Once Upon a Tart on Sullivan. I have to admit I was trying to avoid Thompson and Sullivan because they are a little too close to work for comfort. But the street was so charming! The area reminds me very much of Europe, with short walkups and lots of little cafés. She was late so I had plenty of time to guess which building the apartment was in.

I was wrong about which building it was in, but no matter. She took me up the block a bit to a 5-story walkup. I've gotten over the walkup thing. I want to live on a high floor and my friends barely ever come over anyway. Plus it's exercise. This rep really knew her shit about the building and the neighborhood. (Again, for those scoring at home, this is a big deal!) I gasped excitedly when she told me the building was co-op. I know that could raise some issues because the boards are very strict, but I was excited because that meant I was so much likely to have a crazy, loud neighbor upstairs like I currently do.

Approximate layout
of the apartment.

Once on the 5th floor, she opened the apartment. What a charmer! You walked in and immediately stepped up to a small kitchen/living area. The kitchen was just a small corner outside the bathroom but that is fine with me. Somehow it had more cabinets than I currently have anyway. (Though I have no idea where my cool Ikea Kroken wall rails and Järpen shelves with Håll brackets would go.) The bathroom was huge -- the toilet in a water closet setup with a tub and sink just around the bend. The sink was just a pedestal but there was plenty of room for a cabinet. One oddity -- there was a skylight directly above the toilet. I have no clue how I'd handle that; something would have to diffuse the view or else I'd never be able to do my business.

Back to the tiny living area. It would probably hold my couch and TV. There was a north-facing window but the radiator was right in front of it. I would need a clever TV setup to not block the radiator, and the cable line was on the other side...small quibbles though. The bedroom was a decent size and had two small but workable closets. It had two large folding doors, so I could open or close them at my leisure to let me light into the living area. It also had two large East-facing windows with a great view of neighboring buildings. Since the apartment was in the back of the building it was very quiet. And so much light!! I was in love.

Overall, I'd guesstimate the apartment is the same size as my current place -- about 275 sq. feet. I had forgotten my tape measure...broke my own rules. So if my estimate is correct I'd have the same amount of space, but no backyard, and oh yeah I'd be paying $675 more per month for the Soho location. Still it was by far the nicest place I've seen and I could see myself being very happy there. And did I mention how close to work it was? See what I mean about talking yourself into decent when everything before sucked?

I asked about fees -- there was only a $250 application fee. No credit check fee. And NO BROKER'S FEE HALLE-FRIGGIN- JEULAH! Ahem. I asked the rep to fax me an application and we parted with a cordial handshake. I planned to apply without a guarantor even though I make less than 40x the rent. I was confident I could convince a co-op board that I'm awesome.

Back at work I called BFF M immediately and excitedly told her about the place. She gasped at the price but was supportive. Then I called my sister. My wonderful sister who was my guarantor on my current apartment and who went through hell with me getting our cashier's checks in order thanks to ambiguous instructions from a broker. Anyway, I asked if she would lend me a one-month deposit for this Soho apt which I would pay back in part once I got my current deposit back. She agreed, but cautioned me to do a budget. Such a practical person.

So I hung up and did a budget. It wasn't pretty. Before my current job I paid more than half my fulltime income towards rent...I'd supplement with occasional contractor jobs. With my new job I am paying less than half towards rent and it's great! But if I took the Soho place I'd once again be paying over 60% of my income towards rent. It was hard enough to swallow for $1750/mo but it was choking me at $2495/mo. For one thing, if I (God forbid) lost my job I don't think I could ask my family to help me pay rent that high. I had planned to take a part-time retail job for the holiday season but now I would pretty much depend on that money to have any disposable income. It was kind of scary. I could get by without a part-time job but I would have no cushion to fall back on. Suddenly the charmer apartment seemed more like a tempting demon.

I filled out the application anyway, just for kicks. Then I called the rep to iron out the details. That was when the second bomb dropped -- this apartment required first, last and security. An extra month I hadn't planned for. I knew then that this apartment was out of reach for me. I was not comfortable having $5000 in security just sitting around doing nothing. So I begrudingly told the rep I could not apply and asked her to keep me in mind if any of her other buildings yielded openings.

Perhaps it is for the best. This showed me I should really get my finances squarely in order. I need to save up at least a security deposit so I don't have to depend on the kindness of my sister. And I should pay off my credit cards. I am sad though. That apartment was very cute.

Also, I am vindicated, Dashboard Confessional style. Awesome apartment, no broker required. Take that, Mark David lady!

Don't wave your white flag

Here's how I think landlords get away with charging such high rents: at the beginning of your apartment search, you're optimistic. You think "I know my budget is not as high as other people's but I know there is a great apartment out there for me." You see a few decent places but assure yourself you can do better. Then you start to see the stinkers -- the windows face almost directly into another building, there's no sun, the kitchen was renovated in 1960 and the bathroom has brown water. Everyone else on the floor smokes, you hear dogs yapping all around you and the hallway smells of old fish.

All of a sudden those decent apartments seem amazing! You jump at the next sorta nice apartment you see because it's just so great in comparison! Sure it's a bit more than you wanted to pay and it doesn't have everything you wanted but who cares? No shithole for you! Only after you move in do you start to notice the flaws: the electric meter is in your apartment. You're across the street from a popular bar and get to hear drunk pickup artists, people on their cell phones and the lovely sound of beer coming back up and onto your sidewalk. How poetic.

Or as T puts it: "They wear you down until your criteria for an awesome apartment is that the shower is not in the kitchen." And I have seen places like that. It doesn't take long to lose your wits.

This weekend I have been trying to see as many places as possible in Soho and Nolita to get an idea of what is out there. I've taken a few detours to Union Square, Chelsea and Flatiron as well. I have committed myself to staying steadfast on one of my criteria: no broker's fee. If I have to use a broker, fine, whatever, but no fee allowed. (We'll see if this lasts.)

Saturday dawned a but chilly but sunny and nice. I had been browsing the broker no fee listings on Craigslist and found two or three worth checking, all listed by Mark David & Company. I went to their offices and did the prerequisite fill out the form crap and had to sign one of their agreements. The broker at least specified on the form that I refused any fee apartments. He gathered a list of 6 apartments for me to see and then sent me out with one of the other brokers, a new girl.

Here's another lovely broker nuance: if their relationship with a super/manager/owner isn't exclusive there is no guarantee you will actually see a place. Especially on the weekends. So the broker honestly told me before we left, "I've called and left messages at a few of the places, but I'm not sure if we'll be able to get in or not." His assistant left it up to me whether we even went to those places or not. I appreciated their honesty but it was annoying. Still, we tried visiting all but one of the places.

I only ended up getting into 3 out of the 6. We were able to get into all but one of the buildings through a combination of buzzing every apartment until someone let us in or waiting until someone came out and then going in. What a disorganized, unsafe way to get in. It bothered me. Every apartment but 1 was locked. The broker had suggested using a credit card to shimmy the lock but I vetoed that idea. Besides, if the lock could be shimmied, it didn't inspire a lot of confidence for me in the place. Most of the apartments were missing a top lock so I could at least peep in.

A loft that actually wasn't horrible,
but the apartment was too dark.

The apartments I did see were honestly nothing special. One place on Mott was much smaller than in it looked in the ad, surprise surprise. An apartment up on 16th St was pretty nice and had a loft that actually didn't bother me too much because it was placed such that it didn't interrupt the living space. Plenty of storage too. I can see that place getting snapped up pretty quickly. But it was in the back of the building with no view or light and it had an old kitchen. So no. A place on 14th St was right near the E train but it was in a scary building and the neighborhood seemed a bit dicey. Plus the apartment was tiny. The final apartment I saw in Flatiron was pretty unique -- a second-floor apartment with a huge rooftop terrace that was shared among the 6 apartments on that floor. The broker tried to talk it up until I told him that I currently have a backyard that I share with only one other person.

For the most part none of the apartments struck me as being a good deal. None were even a decent deal. All were $2300 or higher due to their location in popular neighborhoods. But what's the point of being in a great neighborhood if your apartment sucks? My apartment is looking better and better with each other one I view.

Today I saw four more apartments. They were all in Soho between Prince and Spring, and Lafayette and Mott. They were all stinkers. I couldn't believe the things I saw: an illegal basement apartment. An apartment billed as a 1 BR that was clearly not a permanent wall. An incredibly dangerous bathroom with an electrical outlet in the shower area. All were in the $2400-$2700 range.

One thing is for sure: fall is a great time to look for apartments, and I have a feeling winter might be even better. There's far less competition than in the spring and summer so landlords are offering deals like 1 month free, them covering any broker's fees and sometimes even negotiable rents. I am really hoping that some of the more expensive apartments sit vacant for awhile, which would allow me to swoop in and get one for a deal.

Oh, the lies brokers will tell

You know how Wall St just crashed? And you know how everyone is internally conflicted, because they feel bad for themselves for losing their own money, and they feel bad for the people who got conned into bad mortgages but they can't bring themselves to feel bad for the greedy bastards on Wall St? I feel like real estate apartment rentals are much the same.

Take broker's fees for example. You hate paying the fee, the management company couldn't care less if you pay the fee and brokers will do everything possible to make sure you just pay the damn fee. I understand that this is how brokers make their livelihood but that doesn't make it OK! The ends do not justify the means. Real Estate in NYC is broken. As I have said, I think broker's fees for purchasing apartments are justified. It's rentals I have the issue with.

Here's how rental brokers work in NYC: you (the renter) finds the apartment you like yourself, usually through ad somewhere or a good old fashioned sign. You call the number/email and the broker meets you there. The only function the broker performs is letting you into the apartment (after much fiddling with the keys). Then they call the owner or management company to tell them they found a renter. Ladies and gentlemen, give this broker their 15% of annual rent fee! They opened a goddamn door! Something you could not possibly have done yourself! Even better, the broker usually has little valuable information -- they don't know if the building is quiet, they don't know what the neighbors are like, they don't know the neighborhood 80% of the time. They don't know if your Super is attentive, they don't know if the management company will jerk you around. They know nothing except keys and fee.

Let's give the broker the benefit of the doubt -- maybe you don't like the first apartment you see. They have some other apartments for you to see. OK, that is something that I think is valuable. But is it worth $3150 on a $1750/mo apartment? Fuck no. The best is when you don't like the apartment you see the broker asks what you do want. You tell them -- let's say renovated, elevator, above the 2nd floor, dishwasher, laundry in building, less than $2000/mo. Now the broker is supposed to be doing the legwork for you. Except they keep calling you with apartments that don't fit what you want. I had this situation last time around. The broker would call with two or three of my criteria -- and I only found this out when I learned to ask about the apartment before we saw it. He was basically wasting both of our time showing me apartments I didn't want. That is not a value-added service.

Yesterday I looked at 3 apartments, all of which were under Craigslist's no fee listings. I hesitate in that section because more than once I've gotten burned by a broker who "accidentally" listed an apartment in the no fee section with a H1 "NO FEE" that oops, actually had a fee. But you gotta keep hope alive that you'll get a decent broker who is legitimately not charging a fee, or getting their fee paid by the owner/building management company.

The first apartment was at a dream location -- in between Lafayette and Mulberry in, umm, either Soho or Nolita. I'm still learning the neighborhood lines down there. It fit most of my criteria (except of course price). The listing was in the no fee section and clearly said 4 or 5 times no fee. I met the broker from Best Apartments outside the building. This was after convincing him that I'd already filled out their form and no I would not be meeting with him on the Upper West Side at their office before going to Soho. The apartment was really nice. It was an alcove studio with 3 large windows and a nicely done kitchen with a DISHWASHER and a breakfast bar. There were two closets, one of which was walk-in. $2595/month was really high for me but seemed like a decent price for what you get.

So I started asking about fees. Application fee? No. Credit check fee? Yes. And then the broker slipped in that he had a "low fee" -- one month instead of the normal 15%. I was livid, but I forced myself to remain calm. I explained to him that the ad I'd called from clearly said no fee several times. He said it must not have been his ad. Oh, buddy. This be the 21st century you're lying in. I took out my phone, browsed to the webpage and said, "This is your picture, isn't it? And this is the apartment we're in, right? Because this ad says No Fee." The broker's reply? That someone else in the office had put up the ad and it was a mistake.

I didn't even respond. I just turned around and left and went to my next appointment. Had there been people waiting for him outside the building I would have warned them. When I got home, I flagged the listing on Craigslist. It was still up this morning though.

The second apartment was more bullshit art. It was on Mott St. in Nolita. I never even got far enough to ask the broker if there really was a fee or not. Because I walked in to an apartment that did not match the pictures on the ad one bit. The ad showed bright, airy, new. The apartment was dark, smelly and old. I was there less than 5 minutes.

The last apartment was in Astoria. Given the long trip, I didn't want to waste my time a 3rd go-round so I had a preliminary screening call with the broker. I tried to hold myself back from being outright rude, but I bluntly asked questions like "This place is really no-fee, right?" and "Are the pictures in the ad actually of the apartment I'm going to see?". It turns out I was dealing directly with the management company. They come with their own set of issues, but in this case I was satisfied enough to head out to 30th Ave via the N.

It was both the largest and the cheapest apartment of the night. $1395/mo for a 1-BR. It had been gut renovated and had a huge closet and a huge living room. But it was in Astoria...I am still not convinced about Queens. At least there was only a $100 application fee. I took an application and headed home. It took me 20 minutes just to make it back to Manhattan. My commute would be around 45 minutes I guessed. Ugh. Luckily I am in no rush to move so I have time to wait for that perfect place.

I am way too forgiving

Come Tuesday (Aug. 14), I still hadn't heard from my Super Unbelievable - I was moving in four days but no contact, no keys, no nothing.

I ignored the problem for two days but by Thursday it still hadn't magically solved itself. I called my broker in a tizzy. She was as shocked as I was. I told her I needed to have the keys that afternoon since I wanted to start moving stuff the next day. She said she would make sure the landlord called me.

Four stressful hours later, she called me back, said hold on, and put the Super on. The following paraphrased convo took place.

Super - I'm sorry I haven't called. Here's why - the apartment's not ready. And I didn't want to disappoint you. So I haven't called.
Me (internally) - Fucking hell.
Me (speaking now) - So what's left to do?
Super - Well ConEd hasn't turned on the gas line yet. So you can't use the range.
Me (internally) - Oh, well that's not the hugest deal.
Me (speaking now) - Oh, well that's not the hugest deal. The bathroom is done?
Super - Yes.
Me - And the kitchen is done, besides the gas?
Super - Yes. But the fridge opens the wrong way and your microwave isn't up yet. Also your air conditioner enclosure is not right...(lists other items)
Me - That sounds like a lot. Maybe it's best if I wait until September 1 to move in.
Super - No, no. The place is livable. You should still move in this weekend.
Me - Um, ok.

The broker came back on and told me to come pick up the keys. I have to admit, I was a bit overwhelmed. I was used to Connecticut and Colorado apartment moves where everything is, you know, ready when you move in. But my friends later assured me that this kind of stuff is normal for an NYC move and in fact I got off pretty easy. Wow. As one friend put it - 'the lease is signed, you've all got your paperwork, and the broker has gone above and beyond what NYC brokers usually do. You're pretty lucky.'

So I went to the apartment and got my keys, which helped to ease my mind some. The bathroom was in fact done (no shower curtain rod though, annoying). I had gone out and bought a window air conditioner but one was already installed and would stay. $200 back in my pocket, nice. The Super laughed when I asked if it stayed. 'Maybe things are different in Connecticut' she said, which bothered me to no end even if it was true. She also said the locks would be changed but after I moved in.

In the kitchen, the microwave was sitting on a piece of plywood on top of my stove. Here was the deal: they installed a new gasline during renovations, and ConEd hadn't approved it yet. Also, the microwave the Super bought was the wrong hight for the cabinet, so they needed to buy a new shorter cabinet. Since I wasn't planning on cooking much I could live with it. At least I had the microwave. Also, she showed me how the fridge door opened the wrong way - towards the back door instead of towards the kitchen doorway. She had two fridges sitting out in the living area that didn't fit, as well as another microwave. We agreed that I would hold off on moving stuff in until Saturday so she could get the place cleaned.


Not perfect, but I didn't want to wait to move in. Yes, that's my tiny but wonderful kitchen above. And that door goes to my backyard. In fact, every time some stress came up I just kept saying 'backyard' to myself over and over. It seemed to work.

Even with all that, the place looked great. I could not wait to move in. I was willing to forgive the Super as long as she is super attentive to me now (ha, I made a funny). I'm sure that will come back to bite me in the ass. But right now all I can think about is being a New Yorker.

If I only had a brain

The aggravation with my broker continued as the week progressed. With the crap she pulled the first time I got my cashier's check, I made sure to confirm everything with her before my sister arrived with the second one - name, amount, etc. But oh boy the adventures were not over.

My sister got to my office around 4 PM and we headed straight to the realty group office. I sat down with the office manager - the same woman who had talked me through the lease signing - because once again my broker could not make it. The first issue of fun was that my sister had to get her signature notarized and the realty group does not employ a notary. Super! The broker had originally promised to take us to a bank to get it notarized so of course with her not there we instead had to do it ourselves.

Where do you get things notarized? The only place I know of is town hall, and there was no way we were making that trip in time. The office manager suggested a bank. Fine, whatever. First we tried Fidelity one block up. At first they said 'only if you have a Fidelity investment account' which luckily both my sister and I do. Then the woman said we had to wait. We waited 10 minutes only to be told that the notary actually couldn't vouch for us because the paperwork wasn't Fidelity-related. Really? Because I don't think the law says that. It would have taken 30 seconds to help us, but it was like pulling teeth or something. Normally I would have argued until the little shits knew who they were dealing with, but we didn't have time.

The woman at Fidelity suggested the Post Office, 7 blocks away, but my sister vetoed that. Instead we tried the Chase bank three blocks away where the notary was nice enough to help us out. Since my sister has a Chase account, she even waved the fee.

Back to the realty group, notarized leases in duplicate in hand. Next step - hand over the second cashier's check and be on our way. Except of course it wasn't that simple. We gave the office manager the check. She started writing out the receipt and asked what it was for. The second half of the security and the broker's fee I told her. Oh no, she said. Oh no?!!? The following exchange between her and I:

- You can't have the broker's fee made out to the landlord.
- Huh?
- The broker's fee needs to be made out to the property group.
- But...this is what the broker told me to do. I had to go get another damn check on Tuesday because she gave me the wrong name, so I double-checked to make sure all the info for this one is right.
- Look, it would be different if I knew the landlord personally, but I don't. You need to get two separate checks. I'm going to kill [broker].
-You've got to be kidding me. My sister just flew in from Colorado. There is no branch of her bank here. What are we supposed to do?
- I'm going to kill [broker]. How long is your sister here until?
- Monday.
- Ok, she needs to go to her bank the second the she gets back, get the two checks and then overnight them to me.
- I'm not going to lose the apartment, am I?
- I don't know.

She was using a figure of speech when she said she was going to kill the broker of course, but at that moment I wanted to die. My sister was freaking out because she wasn't sure if her bank would void the first check (which I knew from my experience that they would) and I was freaking out because this group was as flaky as they come.

The office manager suggested that since my sister was with me, we could try going to my bank and see if they'd let her sign the check over to me, cash it into my account and write a new one. The chances were slim but it was worth a shot. I didn't want to wait until Monday and stress my sister out. Not to mention me.

So we cabbed it from 23rd and 5th to 19th and 7th, giving the cabbie a huge tip. Back to Wachovia, my knights in shining armor from Tuesday. We explained our deal to the banker and then to the manager. Unfortunately, they could not let my sis sign the check over as the office manager had suggested. Sis and I were not surprised. But the bank did help us out in a huge way - my sister wrote a personal check which they cashed immediately to write out the two separate cashier's checks. That's right, Fidelity, a bank helping someone out! Take note. We probably said thank you about a million times. Kyra Sedgwick, eat your heart out. It was 5:30, so I called the office manager to make sure she would still be there. She would for another half hour.

We grabbed another cab and tipped him well too. Back upstairs, where the office manager asked us how we'd managed to do it. Ah, so she knew her plan wouldn't work. We told her about the kindness of strangers, got our receipt, and FINALLY we were done. My sister is a bit concerned about her bank voiding the first cashier's check, but I'm sure she'll be fine. What a freakin' nightmare.

...but wait, there's more! On Friday afternoon, I got a phone call from the broker. I thought it would be to set up a meeting with the landlord or super, but no. Actually my broker's fee check was short. WHAT. THE. HELL??!? 13%, she said. No way, I said, we agreed on 12%. No, 13% she said. I was so incredibly mad, but she caught me right before a client meeting and I could not argue. After all the shit she'd put me through, not to mention her not being around since she showed me the place, she had the audacity to ask for another $230 dollars?

Wait, here's the best part. I sighed and said it would take me awhile to get the extra money, so she said 'well, just give me $200, my present to you.' Oh, wow, really? I plan on fighting this, I know she said 12%. Unfrickinbelievable. I HATE BROKERS.

My rent is how much?

Monday night had some annoyances - I called the broker to ask a few questions but her cell phone dropped me and she never called back. I called a couple of times but didn't leave a message. Oy, brokers. I mean, these weren't little questions, these were the things my giddyness had blinded me to:

- Does the apartment have an air conditioner?
- Does the building have laundry?
- When is my rent due (15th or 1st)?
- Will the kitchen remodel include a dishwasher?
- What, if any, utilities are included with the rent?
- Is there storage in the basement?

Granted, I really should have asked these questions when I first saw the place. That was pretty dumb of me. But I wanted answers before I signed the lease. With the questions spinning in my head, I spent Tuesday morning's train ride to work waffling a bit more, but by the time I rolled into Grand Central my mind was made up. If I tried to find another apartment, I would compare everything to this one. I looked at my list to help my point:

NEEDS:
- newer kitchen with tall fridge
- bathroom with tub, no industrial toilets (meaning no toilets with metal flushers instead of tanks - why the hell do people put those in apartments anyway??!?)
- at least one closet
- elevator if above 2nd floor
- laundry

WANTS:
- 1BR
- doorman
- nice view
- high floor
- dishwasher
- location

So I was only compromising on one need - laundry, which wasn't a huge deal because laundry in the basement is pretty much like going to a laundromat anyway. And I didn't have a great view, but I have a private backyard. And the dishwasher is a question mark - more on that below. And space, well there is none. But overall the place is great, the building is great, and I would be happy.

I went to Wachovia to get the cashier's check. My sister was headed to town on Thursday with the other cashier's check and to co-sign the lease. I was paying one month of security, and my sister was lending me the other half plus the broker's fee...I owe her big time. Then to work. At last, knowing I had a place meant I could really throw myself back into work which was nice. They have been so great about letting me leave throughout the day, I owe them big time as well. Even though they haven't asked me to make up any of the time, I will.

Just before lunch the broker called - the name she gave me for the cashier's check was wrong. You have to be kidding, I said. I already got the damn thing. I know, she replied, but you need to get it fixed. Argh. At least she answered most my questions - no A/C, no laundry but there a laundromat on the block, heat/hot water included in rent (standard and a big relief) and for the dishwasher, she had to ask the landlord if she was buying one for the kitchen. Which probably means no. I'm sure she never asked about dropping the rent either. Even so, I went back to the bank on my lunch break and luckily they recut the check for me, though one of the clerks called it suspicious. I agree - what the hell. But I digress.

At 4, our appointed time, I went to the realty group to sign the lease. I found out my broker would not make it down. I was not surprised. But to her credit, she convinced the landlord to take two cashier's checks - mine on Tuesday with first month's rent, and my sister's later in the week with the rest of the security and the broker's fee. So even though I didn't know whether the place had a dishwasher, I signed the lease. And I knew it was right, because right after I signed, I felt great. My broker did end up making it back, so we chatted a bit and she told me she'd see what she could do about the dishwasher again. I hope it works out in my favor. We set up a time to meet at the apartment the next day so I could measure and just to see it again.

I can't wait to move in - the apartment itself is awesome. It was just clearing all these pre-move hurdles that was killing me.

A New Yorker for the reals

I wanted to make sure everything was set before I made another post, since the situation kept changing day to day. It is now confirmed - I have an apartment! First, here's how I got there.

When we last met, I was panicking and upset because the broker told me the landlord wanted an extra month of security, sending my pre-move in amount due into the stratosphere. And probably beyond what I could afford. On Sunday night I came up with a plan to ask for 6 months to pay the additional security with the promise of sending the deposit from my current place straight to the new one. I started looking into sublets on Craigslist and scheduled two new views for Monday. I might be back to square 1.

Come Monday morning I dreaded making the phone call but had to do it. I called the broker and asked a question to break the ice and test the waters. Then I launched into my well-planned speech about how I was good for the money but I needed more time for this unexpected...she interrupted me to say there was only one month of security. Wha? I told her what she had said the night before and she laughed and apologized - her mistake. I laughed too out of relief. Man, I think I got a few gray hairs from that one. But I'm not going to complain. I called my sister to tell her the good news and canceled my views.

There was the other side to balance though. When I was worried about coming up with the extra security I also became worried that I was overextending myself. Once I sell my car I'll be fine, but I am a bit apprehensive about the first couple of months of living in the city while still making car payments. I really hope my car sells quickly. My main concern is that this is out of my control - it could sell in 15 days or it could not sell for a year. I could try selling it to a dealer but I'd lose $3000 so that is a last resort.

I calculated and recalculated my expenses 10 times and everytime came out with spending money to spare. That calmed me down some. Tuesday was lease-signing day and I kept waffling all day Monday - don't sign the lease, sign the lease, yes, no, etc.

I went to see two places on a long lunch - first a $1625/mo rent-stabilized by-owner studio at 79th and 1st Ave. It took me about 20 minutes just to get there between the 6 and a walk from Lex to 1st. Man, that block between 2nd and 1st Aves is long up there, like the block between 6th and 7th Aves. in Flatiron/Union Sq./Chelsea area. The ad said "huge windows" and "high ceilings" so I predicted small and old appliances and I was not disappointed. Smaller than the place I was signing the lease for. No dishwasher. Old cabinets - one missing a door. Small holes by the baseboard - critter central. A dark, dingy, green-tiled bathroom. Oh, and it was on the 3rd floor of a walk-up. The super was an older man with Eastern European roots. He seemed nice enough and was disappointed when I wasn't interested. I felt kind of bad but there was no way.

I ended up catching a cab to the other place - a "large, loft-style studio" on the Upper West Side for $1650/mo. The market is heating up with college students heading back into town, and there hasn't been anything under $1600 on CL the past week or so below Washington Heights. I was intrigued by photos of the kitchen. $8 later, I was at 73rd and West End Ave in a non-doorman elevator building. I went up to the 5th floor and met the broker. Earlier, I'd spent 15 minutes convincing him I'd already been to Citi Habitats to fill out an application. He opened the door and led me in to a cute place. It wasn't huge, maybe 250-300 sq. feet, but it was open as he'd promised. That meant the kitchen was out in the living area, which I'm not too fond of. A breakfast bar separated it somewhat...though I have a super cute pub table that I really don't want to get rid of. The kitchen had white subway tiling with a black cap - a look I am quite fond of. The cabinets were white and the appliances were black. The full-sized fridge was nice and it made the apartment look bright.

There were two random columns in the middle of the apartment which would have been tough to work around. Soffits for pipes maybe? I touched both but neither was warm. It's summer though so that doesn't mean much. There were two large windows in the apartment with a river view meaning hot apartment at dusk, little light in the morning. Meh. Then we saw the closet - I mean the bathroom. Holy crap it was tiny. No tub. You could wash your hands in the sink while sitting on the toilet, and I think a male would have a hard time getting proper distance. I felt claustrophobic and it was dark as hell - painted dark brown or something. No thanks.

I parted ways with the broker and realized I had no idea what subway lines were nearby - UWS wasn't one of the places I had really looked in. I ended up catching another cab. $15 later, I was back at work. I've been working late to make up for the time I've been missing so I felt pretty wiped. At the end of a long day, I cruised Craigslist one last time to see what was out there. I couldn't find anything that looked better than what I'd found. Enough worrying, I needed to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.

And the bottom drops out...

...Addendum to finding a great apartment - even though I have a guarantor, the landlord wants another month of security. So that means when I sign my lease they expect me to fork over: first month's rent, one month security, one extra month of security and a 12% broker's fee, aka $7770, because of course I can afford that up front...

And they don't even accept credit cards. Unreal. I might have to pull out of the deal now. I have to beg them to let me pay the extra month of security over time. I guess I am just shocked at how much they are asking given the price point - or maybe that's exactly why they're asking. I'm dependable, trustworthy, and a great tenant, but I might get screwed here. I'm feeling a bit whiny right now. I hate money sometimes.

I get by with a little help

What a day on Friday. I had my review at work on Thursday and got some great news. But I decided not to change my budget. My feeling was that giving myself an extra $100/mo ($1200/yr!) would only open up a can of worms. Plus, I know myself really well. I knew that I would end up stretching a bit anyway. I've been very good about calculating my budget using a low estimate of my income so that I don't end up signing a lease that promises 70% of my monthly income. Stranger things have happened to friends of mine.

I also talked to my wonderful sister. She is 8 and a half years older than me and lives in Colorado, where she got her master's and phD and I went to undergrad at her school's rival, Colorado State. Despite the Buffs/Rams conflict, she agreed to be my guarantor. I knew I would need one.

After my review I was much more confident about looking for a place. And at 10 AM, my ship came in. $1650/mo, Upper East side, gut renovation - marble bathroom (not super important but I liked that it is new), separate kitchen (photo in the ad had a dishwasher!), and an awesome location - 76th at 3rd, a couple of blocks from the train. Sign me up! But as you probably guessed it was a broker's listing. On the plus side, it was an exclusive listing. So at least I wouldn't see it only to find out another broker had beaten us.

I called and left a message, and the broker called back about 15 minutes later. We agreed on 3:30 PM and I was surprisingly calm about having to wait. I glanced at the ad again. The renovation excited me - I would be the first one living there. The place looked like exactly what I wanted.

Since I'd had a long wait for the 6 train last time I went to the UES, I left work at 3. It was too hot to jump to the express, so I rode the local the whole way. I would've had to jump back tot he local anyway. I made it up to 77th Street in about 20 minutes and called the broker, saying I knew I was early but just wanted to let her know I was there. She told me to meet her in front of Haru's. There was just one problem - there was a Haru's on the Northeast corner, and one on the Southeast corner as well. I guessed Southeast. I was wrong.

We shook hands, and the first bomb dropped - the $1650 studio was gone. But she had another studio in the same building, same floor, for $1750. Get this - it turns out that when the owner saw how quickly the first one went, they jacked up the price of the second one. ARGH! I think the look on my face said it all, because she quickly added that this apartment was a bit bigger anyway. Did I still want to see it? I didn't even hesitate - yes. For a gut reno, I had to see it.

We walked half a block to the building. We walked through the front door and the security door, and into a dark but pleasant-looking foyer. The apartment was on the first floor in the back, which surprised me for some reason. We walked into the most gorgeous place I have seen yet. It was bright, airy, and yes, small, but not Tudor City place small. The layout was workable.

The floors were a light maple laminate, but that was the only bummer. There was a large window, a separate kitchen, and a decent-sized closet. This apartment was still in the process of being renovated, so the bathroom was still missing a sink and toilet, and the kitchen was missing appliances and cabinets. The broker assured me it would like just like the sibling apartment's pictures on Craigslist. It better. From the kitchen, she walked me out to the PRIVATE BACKYARD. Somehow I'd missed that in the ad. It was really nice by NYC standards - it had a tall tree that provided shade, a flagstone pathway and even a gravel area for a fountain at the very back. Though I could see my neighbors through the chain link fence, it looked very pleasant, and I only had to share the backyard with the other first-floor tenant. At that moment, I was sold. Proximity to Central Park is one thing, but a private backyard in Manhattan is a rarity worth splurging for. I asked her when the place would be ready, suggesting September 1. She said August 15th. Fine. No problem. Gulp.

The ceilings were high, which meant I could get these tall bookcases I've been admiring at Crate and Barrel someday. It had recessed lights. Everything was new - repeated for truth. So while the place was a bit over my budget, I was on board. I told the broker I wanted it, and she nodded and smiled. I have to say, looking back I really ignored some important details in my giddyness. For example, I know that there was a large window and the door out to the back providing light, but I can't remember if there was an air conditioner. I forgot to ask about laundry.

While we waited for the 6 to go back to the office, she started asking if I had my paperwork and my mind snapped back to reality. I asked if the landlord was willing to come down on the rent at all based on when I'd called to view. The broker old me she would fight for me, but it was doubtful. I asked about her broker's fee - 15% was too high I said. She said she could come down to 12% but no lower because she had to split it with the management company. This meant I had to ask my sister for a loan to pay the fee. God, I hate brokers. I don't think apartments below market rate should have broker's fees. But that's a rant for another time.

We had to go back downtown to her office, and along the way she called no less than four people to tell them that the place was rented. She said she felt bad - and I did too, because I knew how those people felt.

The broker and I chatted about the neighborhood, as it turned out she lived two blocks away from the place she showed me. Weirder still, her office was one block away from mine. And in the final over-the-top oddity, it turned out her broker's office had moved from the same building my company had moved from at about the same time. I have no idea what this means, but it's a lot of coincidence.

My feet were killing me and I almost asked to stop at my office, but I toughed it out. I knew I would need to put down a deposit to hold the place, but I was unprepared when she said the deposit was $300 cash. I had expected to write a check. I was suddenly nervous because I'd just written a rent check for August for Connecticut, I don't get paid for 5 more days, and my NYC savings is safely tucked away in cash in my safe. Yes, my safe. I was sincerely worried about having enough in my bank account at that moment. Then, I learned that there was a $75 credit check fee, also cash, non-refundable. Shit. I knew I definitely didn't have that much cash available. It was so dumb - I should have deposited some of my savings ahead of time.

So I had to do something else dumb - I had the $300 in my account but I had to take the $75 as a cash advance from my credit card. I know it's a bad idea but it had to be done. I would have lost the place. And since it wasn't my bank I paid $4 in fees. Bastards. We went to her office where I filled out the application and gave her:
- a copy of my license (she made it)
- two month's worth of bank statements with all but the last four numbers of my account blacked out
- a letter of employment
- a landlord reference letter
- two paystubs

Then, I called my sister at work, briefed her as much as I could, and faxed an application form to her while the broker did a credit check on me. I passed. The broker then asked for my cash, which I gave her. I told her I would need change since I owed her $375 but had taken out $380. Oh no, she said. There are two credit checks - one on your sister too - so it's actually $460. ARGH! Again! So I had to go get another cash advance...I don't even want to think about it. The cash was sitting at home, so instead I'll have to pay a frickin ridiculous APR because I'm an idiot.

My sister has really good credit, so there were no problems there. Just like that, I was pre-approved for the apartment. Now I just needed some more documentation:
- my 2006 tax return
- a letter of employment from sister's company
- last two paystubs from my sister

And then, presuming the management company approved me, I was in. And thanks to the broker fee, in debt. But it will all be worth it - New York City at last!